6 tough conversations you need to have about money and how to have them — even if you don't want to
The one about money and love
Talking about money is key to strengthening your relationship. PH888/Shutterstock
There's nothing quite like the thrill of falling in love. Filled with visions of a promising tomorrow and marinating in the good-vibes of happy endorphins, your partner is always rose-colored through your lens. That's what makes it hard to bring up the not-so-sexy question about their financial and debt situation.
You may want to avoid the topic, but talking it out can actually strengthen your bond.
"Knowing this information will help you move forward as a couple," explained Jeremy Straub, the CEO of Coastal Wealth. "Although these types of conversations can be awkward, they will promote healthy discussion and eventually help you both feel more secure in your relationship."
Things you want to know before moving in together include each of your income streams, debts, and other requirements. No financial concern or consideration is too small if it feels significant to you. The idea is to find where you align and where there are differences.
One way to make the big conversation less scary is to suggest a night-in with a bottle of bubbly to keep the mood light and relaxed. From there you can start discussing specifics.
"Set budgets and expectations that make sense for you. If your partner recommends a budget that you're not comfortable with, be honest. If you're struggling financially, maybe suggest an at-home movie night or making food at home. If you feel that you're buying all the cleaning products for a home you share with your partner, tell them you want to discuss shared expenses," Straub said.
As talking with your partner about money becomes less taboo, the conversations will become easier. With open communication, so will finding ways to manage money that works for you and your relationship.
The one before marriage and children
Kids are expensive; planning for a financial timeline for your family is important. Shutterstock
As your relationship evolves, your conversations must too — especially before you tie the knot and expand your family. With 50% of marriages failing due to financial stress, disagreements, and mismanagements, coming up with a financial plan is just as important as pre-marital counseling, said financial expert and co-founder of EnrichHER.com, Tiara Zolnierz.
Before growing your family into a party of three, four, or more, Zolnierz recommended coming up with a financial timeline to match family planning. To discuss: How will we pay for them? How long of a parental leave will we take? Will we aim to pay for college? How will we handle kid-related expenses?
Talking openly and in-depth about big-money issues (like having children) will save you years of suffering and misery, Zolnierz said. And if you or your partner resists and can't find the courage to settle in for these talks and dig deep? "It's a major red flag and a sign that the love of your life might end up being the regret of your life."
The one about friends and money
Your friends are a great resource for financial planning, from trip recommendations to best ways to split the bill. Shutterstock/Olesia Bilkei
We've heard the saying before: Friends and money don't mix. But that's an outdated statement in a time when women are fighting tirelessly for equality. Because the more we discuss our financial situations — income, expenses, and so on — the more empowered we will feel to fight for change. And since there's another saying about strength being found in numbers, let's go with that and take the opportunity to have those uncomfortable but important money-matter chats with our closest friends.
In addition to being brave enough to ask about what our pals make when we are negotiating our own salaries, we should also discuss how we approach day-to-day expenses, according to psychologist Yvonne Thomas, Ph.D.
A natural place to start the conversation is when you're out for a meal. Do you always split the check 50/50? Do you have a friend who often picks up the check without question? It's okay to say if it makes you feel uneasy.
"It is important to remember that whenever the topic of money is brought up with people close to you, it should be handled in a respectful, clear way so as to not offend the other person, but to make your relationship with him or her even stronger," Thomas said.
Another tricky convo to have, according to Carly Frieling, a financial advisor for Civic Financial/Northwestern Mutual, is asking earnestly about savings. Say, for instance, a close friend just went on an expensive, dreamy vacation — and you're curious how they afforded it. Though at first it may feel taboo to ask, Frieling said a friendship is one of the safest places to share ideas, sans-judgement.
"If you take the emotion out of the money conversation, and go straight to the point, the conversation won't be awkward," Frieling said. She suggests an ice breaker like this: "To make the conversation normal, simply ask, 'I'm looking to go on a trip to XYZ place and I saw you just went on an incredible trip. Can you share one or two tips [of how you saved up for it or cut costs] that I could use?'"
The one about inheritance
Aging is difficult enough to discuss, but preparing a will and talking about wishes is crucial. Tom Wang/Shutterstock
As we become adults, some of the burden of helping our parents manage their own finances may fall on us. We don't have to agree with how mom and dad spend their money during their golden years, or even how money is divided in inheritance. But we do have to talk about it to ensure wishes are respected and protected.
This frank discussion about what happens to their estate can seem morbid or make you feel greedy. That's why it is important to be direct and calm when having this type of conversation — to make it clear you're coming from a place of concern.
In a quiet, private environment, Thomas recommended saying something along the lines of: "I know this is an uncomfortable subject, and it's hard for me to even bring up, but we have to talk about if you have a will and if it is current. I just want to make sure that you have a will and that it includes everything in it you want it to. Or if you don't have a will, you need to set up an appointment to talk to a lawyer to get a will made."
The bottom line, of course, is communicating how important it is to be there for our parents as they age, and that their hard-earned cash is spent how they want it to be, once they've passed.
The one about borrowing — and owing — money
Sometimes, folks are in a financial jam. Whether it's from your parents, friend, or third-party, knowing how to navigate loans can help you in a pinch. Hero Images/Getty Images
Whether due to an unexpected expense, job loss, or a tragedy, asking to borrow money from a friend, family member, or partner may be your very last shot at staying above water.
When this happens, Straub recommended taking the time to think through all the details.
"When you ask the person to lend you the money, give them exact dates for when you'll be repaying them. Will you make payments or pay everything back in one lump sum?" Straub said.
It can feel embarrassing to be vulnerable, but the more facts you provide — rather than emotions — the better someone will feel about helping you out.
If it's you on the other end of the conversation, be honest. "If lending them money will get in the way of your finances, let the person know that now isn't a good time. Or, if you simply don't feel comfortable with lending money, just be upfront," Straub said.
If, however, you are in a position to lend money, be sure to outline expectations for the person borrowing the money — and stick to them. "You don't want to be in an awkward situation with a friend or family member who never repaid you. If you do have to have an awkward conversation, be polite, but direct," he said. Offer to set up a repayment schedule if the person is unable to give you the money back in one lump sum.
"Remind them frequently and don't let too much time pass," Straub said. Otherwise things will get really awkward.
The one we have with ourselves
Everyone has a different financial future. Sit down and focus on yourself rather than people around you. Luis Alvarez/Getty Images
We all do it: We compare ourselves to our friends, who seemingly make more cash than we do. Or a colleague who negotiated a higher salary, even though we do the same amount of work. How about a partner, who we love and admire, but definitely has a higher income?
When thoughts like these creep into our heads, it's time for an uncomfortable money conversation with ourselves.
Comparison is the thief of joy, and, as Frieling pointed out, nothing is ever exactly how it seems: You may never know someone else's full financial picture — the dollars and cents behind their house, fabulous travel, or amazing wardrobe.
Instead of making outward comparisons, focus your energy inward: Follow your own timeline, strive to meet your own goals. As long as you are living a life within your means that makes you happy, there's no purpose in keeping up with the Joneses, who, hey, may being using a hefty Instagram filter to paint a prettier picture than reality.
5 things you're downloading that destroy your PC
These five items that you're downloading are destroying your PC, according to Kim Komando. (iStock)
There’s no doubting the benefits of keeping your important files stored digitally on your computer, as opposed to papers scattered throughout the house. But that added convenience doesn’t necessarily make those files any safer — even if you have them password-protected.
Not protecting your files is just one way you’re putting your computer at risk. Tap or click for 8 mistakes you’re making that are wrecking your PC.
There are actually a number of ways what you’re downloading could harm your computer, without you even knowing it. And you’ll probably be surprised to find out what’s causing all the trouble.
Need some more help navigating the digital world? I've got pro tips to help you get the most out of all your favorite tech. Tap or click for 10 digital life hacks you’ll use time and time again.
1. When trying to clean up only makes things worse
Maybe you get pop-ups and ads about cleaning out your computer’s hard drive. You’re told your hard drive gets overfilled with needless documents and data, and there’s some conveniently free software you can download that will help you clean up your PC.
You do need to occasionally clean your computer, but these “helpful” advertisements aren’t what you should turn to when you're ready to clean up. In most cases, these free PC cleaning utilities come with adware, viruses or other bits of software that ultimately lag your PC and make it incapable of doing basic tasks.
RELATED: Your computer isn’t the only device that needs some attention now and again. Tap or click for 6 ways to keep your iPhone battery at peak performance.
Even downloading an extra program to tidy up your PC adds an extra program to your computer you don’t need. Windows has a built-in feature called Disk Cleanup that will get rid of unnecessary files for you. Tap or click here to learn how it works.
Use Disk Cleanup to keep your PC clean, not the free cleaners you have to download. Just remember to do regular computer backups prior to your cleaning sessions, so you never lose your most important documents.
2. Saving a few bucks could end up costing you even more
You get a real sense of accomplishment when you finally find a way to stream or download a movie you want to watch but couldn’t find on Netflix or Amazon. (Or if you did find it on Amazon, it was only as a used DVD for $20.). But try not to get lost in the moment of victory.
If you’re downloading from a questionable source, you might be downloading viruses along with your sought-after cinema. One clue you should find a new source? The site you’re on has an incredibly long or unusually-ending URL.
This can apply to streaming devices as well as your PC. If you download free apps or channels for illegal movie streaming or downloading, you can absolutely corrupt your viewing device to the point where it will no longer work.
A cloud backup service like IDrive can help you recover any files lost if your streaming device is corrupted, but if your PC or Roku stops working, you'll be out of luck.
Try to stick to the ever-growing list of legitimate streaming sites for your movie and TV downloads to keep you and your devices safe from hard drive-destroying malware. If cost is part of the reason you go to illicit sites, there’s a better way. Tap or click here for 10 legitimate places to stream movies for free. These will play ads, but at least they won't freeze your computer.
3. Don’t download something you weren’t even looking for
Freeware — software that's available at no cost — can be a wonderful thing. They can be amazing alternatives to expensive programs like Photoshop and Microsoft Office, but if you weren’t actively looking for a particular program, do NOT download freeware you find on the internet.
It might come to you in an email offer, or in an ad box on a site you’re visiting. Some might end up being perfectly legitimate, but a majority of unsolicited freeware will clog your computer with junk files, give you malware or provide entryways into your computer hackers can take advantage of.
Basically, if you weren’t searching for a program, don’t trust it when it presents itself to you. Try reading reviews or recommendations from sites like ours before you download any freeware at all, and keep your eyes peeled for any unusual activity on your computer after you’ve downloaded something new.
Before you download any free programs, always make a computer backup just in case you need to reformat your device.
4. Kick the clutter to the curb
We’re moving away from malware-risk with the rest of this list, and refocusing on clutter. Your computer can be stuffed full of pictures carelessly downloaded from your phone or tablet, but do you really need to save those memes and bad photos you just never got around to deleting?
Clutter on your computer is made of things like installers, super small files you never use, trial versions of software and photos or videos that take up several GB of space. Don't download a ton of photos and videos you'll never even look at again! Clear your devices of the things you don't want to save before downloading them to your hard drive.
When a computer has a full enough memory, it can begin to lag or overheat. Overheating is very dangerous for electronics, as it can cause parts like the motherboard to be damaged. In some devices, overheating can lead to explosions or fires.
Check how much free space your computer’s hard drive has every month, and clean house when it’s starting to get especially high. Keep some things online — don’t download every photo or file you like — to help keep that number down initially, and find places for large files that aren’t right on your hard drive.
Don’t be a digital hoarder. Find other places to put your important files so your PC doesn’t have to carry the load.
The best way to clear out space is to back up your computer, which you can do with an external hard drive or a cloud service. I like cloud services, as they can be accessed anywhere and you can set things up so files like your photos can automatically go to the cloud instead of clogging up space on your PC.
5. Ditch the trial versions you’ve forgotten about
As said above, trial versions of software often amount to junk on your PC. Trial versions often install as a separate entity from the full version. This is so it's easy to remove later if you don’t enjoy the product.
But installing the full version does not automatically remove the trial version, so it stays on your computer, taking up space in your computer memory.
Since trial versions just clutter your computer, skip them — particularly if you know you’ll be buying the software in the end anyway. You can just uninstall the trial version once you have the full one, but uninstalling can still leave junk files behind, so make sure you run Disk Cleanup afterward if you insist on using the trial.
Also remember to not include trial versions in your software backups on when you back up your computer — it'll save you space in the long run.
Keeping your PC healthy and happy keeps you and your files safe. So watch out for the 5 downloads I described above to keep your computer’s health in good standing, and remember to back up regularly, just in case the worst happens.
BONUS: The right way to physically clean your laptop, phone, tablet
It happens to the best of us. Sometimes, our favorite electronic devices get downright nasty. Our screens get smudged, our keyboards somehow become filled with crud, and we have essentially no idea how to fix it all other than grabbing a dry cloth and dabbing away at the problem areas.
There's actually more to cleaning your electronics and hardware than rubbing a soft cloth on each item and hoping for the best.
The good news is cleaning items like your laptop, for example, can be very easy, but it's a multi-step process that you'll have to follow if you want the best results.
Click or tap here for simple tips to clean your keyboard, mouse, screen, tablet and or smartphone.
What digital lifestyle questions do you have? Call Kim’s national radio show and tap or click here to find it on your local radio station. You can listen to or watch the Kim Komando Show on your phone, tablet, television or computer. Or tap or click here for Kim’s free podcasts.
Copyright 2019, WestStar Multimedia Entertainment. All rights reserved.
Learn about all the latest technology on The Kim Komando Show, the nation's largest weekend radio talk show. Kim takes calls and dispenses advice on today's digital lifestyle, from smartphones and tablets to online privacy and data hacks. For her daily tips, free newsletters and more, visit her website at Komando.com.
20 things to look forward to in 2020
A new year is upon us, and I don't want to jinx anything, but I have pretty high hopes for 2020.
You might fear that the year is going to suck, like so many years before, and I get that. We've been burned, so it's a valid concern, but consider all the exciting events 2020 has in store. I can't promise you that 2020 won't suck, but I can promise you that there are at least 20 whole things to look forward to this year.
From the Olympic games and new gaming consoles, to awards shows and a kickass Super Bowl halftime show, here are 20 things to look forward to in 2020.
1. A presidential election
There's a monumental presidential election coming up in November, which means 2020 will bring debates, voting opportunities, and potentially a few new faces to serve in the White House.
2. The Olympics
Image: TOM WELLER / DPA / PICTURE ALLIANCE VIA GETTY IMAGES
The 2020 Summer Olympics will be held in Tokyo, and watching the games is always a delightful way to break up the year. We'll hopefully get to see fan-favorite athletes like Simone Biles make history again, and if we're really lucky, Boomer Phelps (and his brothers) will be in the stands wearing protective earmuffs.
3. The year of Hilary Duff
Hilary Duff ended 2019 by marrying singer and record producer Matthew Koma, and she's not slowing down in 2020. In the new year Duff will not only have the Lizzie McGuire reboot heading to Disney+, but she'll be back with her Younger family for a new season, and she has a Third Eye Blind cover (sung with Koma) on the way.
4. New movies
New year, new movies. 2020 has some huge titles in store for cinephiles such as No Time to Die, Mulan, Legally Blonde 3, Sonic the Hedgehog, and more. There will also be sequels to A Quiet Place and To All the Boys I've Loved Before.
5. New and returning TV Shows
New television shows like Falcon and Winter Soldier, Little Fires Everywhere, and Space Force are dropping in 2020, and beloved shows like The Bachelor, This Is Us, Grace and Frankie, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and Better Call Saul are returning with new episodes. Some series, like Schitt's Creek, will even be coming back for the final season.
6. More streaming services
You might not think you want any more streaming services, but that's how I felt about Disney+ before I got it, and now I adore the thing. In 2020 we're expected to see the launch of HBO Max, NBC's Peacock, and Quibi.
7. Playstation 5
2020 will also be a big year for gaming. If you're looking for a new console to eagerly await, Playstation 5 is set to be released before the holiday season.
8. A new Motorola Razr 
Image: KARISSA BELL / MASHABLE
The beloved Motorola Razr is making a triumphant and highly upgraded return. The blast from the past will be released early in 2020, but until then flip phone lovers can learn all about it here.
9. Good YouTube series
YouTube can be an exhausting and overwhelming platform, but we live for the good, reliable series that will follow us into 2020, like Hot Ones and new videos Bon Appétit videos featuring chef Claire Saffitz.
10. The Super Bowl halftime show
The 2020 Super Bowl will be held on Sunday, Feb. 2, and Jennifer Lopez and Shakira are reportedly performing together at halftime. Can you believe?
11. Awards season
You also have Moira Rose's favorite season to look forward to: awards season. Nominations are already being announced, and the Golden Globes, Screen Actors Guild Awards, Grammy Awards, Oscars, and more await.
12. Exciting new books
We have a slew of new television shows, movies, and streaming services to anticipate in 2020, but it's crucial to give your eyes a break from screens every so often. Luckily, there are a bunch of new books set to be published in the new year.
13. It's a leap year
Every four years a leap year occurs, which means we get an extra calendar day in the form of Feb. 29. 2020 happens to be a leap year, which is exciting, especially for people with birthdays or half birthdays on the twenty ninth day of February. Perhaps you can celebrate by watching the 2010 Amy Adams rom-com, Leap Year.
14. Pop culture anniversaries 
Image: CHRIS HASTON / NBCU PHOTO BANK / NBCUNIVERSAL VIA GETTY IMAGES
2020 marks significant anniversaries of phenomenal shows, movies, albums, and more. For instance, did you know March 24, 2020 will be the 15-year anniversary of The Office pilot? Time flies when you're rewatching.
15. A bunch of Gatsby parties
In the words of Mashable Senior Entertainment Reporter Alexis Nedd, 2020 likely be the start of "people critically misunderstanding the work of F. Scott Fitzgerald and throwing Gatsby-themed parties for every holiday." Get it? The roaring '20s. Ha ha.
16. New memes
2019 and the rest of the 2010s brought us so many delightful memes, and since we ended the year with a wholesome salami meme we eagerly await the 2020 memes that have yet to be created.
17. Another Billie Eilish interview
You know how Billie Eilish has been doing that same exact Vanity Fair interview every Oct. 18. since 2017? Yeah, well, they'd better check in with her again in 2020 because we love it.
18. More smart TikTok teens
From lighthearted trends to political PSAs, the teens of TikTok helped save the online world from utter despair this year. We can't wait to see what they have in store for the app in 2020.
19. Puns
2020 is the year of hindsight, perfect vision, and whatever other bad eyesight puns we can come up with. There's so much obnoxious fun to be had.
20. Date symmetry
There's a lot to look forward to in the new year, and to top it all off 2020 is a nice symmetrical number to keep writing over and over again. A small win, but a win nonetheless.
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